Skin Crawling Vagary
by Shrapnel893
Summary: Kariya Matou, what is your wish for the Grail? Inside your mind, what is your dream? Crawling beneath your skin, what is your pain? Make your wish, keep your dream, and may you never wake up.
1. He Is Hers

**He Is Hers**

Vision blearing, pupils dilating; coming in and out of focus. Haunts and frights. Pipes, an endless entanglement of pipes; lining the wall, the ceiling. Looping in straight etches across his vision, going in and out, down and around; further into the wall, the dark. Further away, into the dark, the pipes growing smaller and smaller, his vision growing dimmer and dimmer as, it too, stared into the dark. Swallowing the pipes, swallowing his vision. An ever hungry beast, this darkness. A darkness that, as he stared, in and out of focus, reached out to the slithering vile inside his soul. Inside his heart, inside his mind; underneath his skin, underneath his muscle, withering to his very core. A never ending darkness that swallowed the pipes, that swallowed his vision, calling out to the darkness that slithered beneath his flesh, that withered the inside of his soul. The darkness called back, answering with the same hunger, the same pulsing desire, from beneath his flesh. Crawling, slithering, withering, dancing beneath his flesh, dancing beneath his soul. Wrapping around his heart, wrapping around his mind; squeezing. It reached out to the darkness that swallowed the pipes, intermingling with a dismal harmony: the darkness that swallowed his soul.

Pounding, his heart grew tighter and tighter, muscles contracting, conforming to the vile that swallowed his soul; he convulsed. Sitting against the wall, slumped over, his pupils grew wide as this ever hungry vile slithered, gorging on his soul; bulging through his veins. Crawling, through his heart and through his veins, up his throat and up his skull, and into his brain. Into his mind, into his soul.

Pain, neverending pain. That which was felt, nothing but the pain; that which was heard, nothing but the pain. Ripping into his soul, tearing at his mind; unbearable. Clutching his chest, nails digging into the synthetic fibers of his sweatshirt, grabbing at his heart. Bending forward, gagging, the vile spilled forth, painting the ground with darkness. He watched it slither, that which swallowed his soul, as it slowly died.

"Does it hurt?" a small voice asked, casting shadow that stretched into the vile.

"Yes," he couldn't deny that fact, as he looked into the vile; the shadow stretching out of it.

"Then, why endure it?"

He followed the shadow to its source, to the pool of darkness that gave it shape. "Because..." he stared at the feet that stood above the pool, at the beautiful dress shoes that encased them, "I have to."

"Have to?"

"Yeah, I have to." his vision went from the feet and up to the ankle length socks that fit around the skin, around the legs of the feet that stood above the pool. "It was my choice."

"Choice?"

Going from the socks, up the slender, short, legs, he came to the frilled ends of the dress itself. "Yeah, I made this choice. For you."

"Why?"

He smiled, his vision at the bottom folds of the dress; the beautiful silk. "Because I want to," he coughed, ragged, as he stared at the small hands at the sides of the dress. "For your sake."

"Mine?" the voice asked, the hands clutching the sides of the skirt.

"Yeah, I can endure it then."

His vision went from the hands, up the sleeves and up the waist. He stared at the silk, the beautiful color of the dress. Yes, he was doing this all for her sake, nobody else's. He was hers, and nothing: not the vile, not the darkness, nor the pain, would change that.

He was hers.

* * *

Walking, arm dangling at his side, he fumbled in his stride. He had done it, finally, after a year of torment and anguish. He had done it; he had gotten a Command Seal. Albeit, at a cost. Destroyed was his former self; he was now a vessel, a shell, for the vile. Though, it didn't cause him any alarm, any sadness. It didn't upset him in the slightest, for now he was one step closer to his wish; his dream. He heard light footsteps approaching from the stairwell, and he smiled as a small figure came into view.

"Hey, Sakura," he greeted, as the young girl stood still, agape with surprise at what he had become. "Did I startle you?"

The young girl gazed up into his face, at the bulging veins that snaked up and down it. "Yeah, your face is..."

"I know," he said continued to smile, full of warmth despite the coldness that ever slithered inside his body. "Seems I lost a little bit to the worms inside of me. I guess I'm not just as tough as you are." He stood straight, letting out a chuckle, and closing his good eye.

"Uncle Kariya," the young girl responded, her voice close yet distant at the same time, "you're turning into a different person. Aren't you?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, maybe..." he said, looking into the young girl's large eyes, seeing the warmth that was long gone still inside of them.

"You know," the young girl said, staring into his eyes, "I don't have to go to the worm pit tonight. Grandfather said there'll be a more important ceremony that I have to attend."

"Y-yeah, I know. That's why I'm going to the basement tonight. Instead of you."

"Uncle Kariya, are you going somewhere far away?"

"Well, I-I have an important job that I need to do for awhile, and I might not have much time to talk to you then. At least, until I get back."

"I see." the young girl looked down at the floor.

He took a step forward in reassurance. "Hey Sakura, when my job is finally over, do you wanna go somewhere and just have fun? With your mom and sister too?"

"I don't have anyone I can call mom or sister. Grandfather said I should think of them like they never existed."

"I see," his smile vanished. Stumbling over with purpose, he got to his knees and took her in a loving embrace.

"Uncle...?" the girl said, surprised, the side of her face against his sweatshirt.

His smiled appeared again. "Alright then, when this is all over, let's take Aoi and Rin from the Tohsaka's," he held her tighter, her body warm despite being colder than his own, "Go somewhere as far away from this place as we can get. We can hang out and have fun, just the four of us, like we used to."

"Does that mean that I'll see them again?"

"Yeah, you will. You have my word on that."

She hugged him tighter, burying the side of her face into his sweatshirt. After a moment, he backed away, letting go.

"Alright," he grunted, getting to his feet, "I have to get going now." He smiled down at the young girl, his wish, into her eyes so full of cold that he saw the warmth beneath.

"Mmm-hmm." She nodded her head as he brushed past her, a look of determination on his face. "Bye bye Uncle Kariya," she said, watching as he stumbled in his walk, clutching his arm that dangled at his side.

"_Bye-bye..._"

* * *

Ah yes, he was hers.

Surging through his veins the vile spread, gorging more and more. Consuming his mana and withering his soul. As he screamed, he no longer saw her, standing above the pool of darkness. Convulsing as he sat against the wall, he twisted and turned, trying to bear it. After a moment more, it stopped. Relief swept over him as he had endured it once again, the darkness that swallowed his soul. Gazing up at the ceiling, he closed his eyes, his vision going dark. Breathing heavily, he tried to calm down, his heart pounding out of his chest; screaming, wanting to burst forth and paint the world in red. Bowing his head, he managed to calm his breathing, and as he looked up, he saw her again. His wish.

"Why are you suffering so?" she asked, voice cold and eyes dead; small hands not clutching the dress, and hidden behind the skirt. She stood over a pool of darkness that reached out to his very core.

"Because Berserker has..." he started to say, then clutched his chest as another attack surged through his body, the vile crawling beneath his skin, bulging out of his veins. "To fight..."

"Why?"

"Because the priest said so." he winced, the pain subsiding.

"The priest?"

"Yeah, he promised me that he'd give me the Holy Grail." he reached forward, as if to touch her; to grasp her again, once more. "If I have the Grail, I can rescue you."

"You're going to save me?"

He smiled. "Yeah..." he reached out further. "Remember? I promised," he turned his head, twitching from the strain, "that we'd all play together, like we used to..."

"Then, I can see Mommy again?" she asked, hands clenched into small fists.

His eyes went wide, then went back to normal, a new figure appearing, bathed in a dark light. "Your mom..."

The figure stared down at him with scorn, a wicked expression that revealed nothing, fixing him with hateful eyes. Torment shred through his body as he remembered.

* * *

The church, ominous in the night, stood before him. Without a word, he stepped forward and pushed open the door, bathing the inside with a low light that added to how dusty the place seemed. As he searched the room, he spotted his target. Sitting in the front row, nearest the altar, was the man he had been searching for all this time; his goal.

"Tokiomi Tohsaka," he growled, stumbling forward. The worms had permanently handicapped his movements, as he now always walked with a limp. Staggering closer, arms swaying at his sides, a rage filled him that even his father's worms couldn't contain. "You thought you'd killed me, Tokiomi?" he continued, smirking. "In your dreams. I'll keep getting up until I make you pay!" He stopped halfway to his target, wary that he hadn't responded yet. It was strange, given Tohsaka's ferocity to get rid of him before, that now he did nothing. "Tohsaka..." It didn't matter what Tohsaka did, he realized, because tonight he was going to die. He stepped closer, and was just about to touch his target's back when the man fell to the side; out of his seat. "What...?" Catching his target, speechless, he stared in disbelief at the obviously dead man laying against his sweatshirt. A cold sweat came over him as he realized what this meant.

"Kariya?" a voice called out near the entrance to the church. It caused him to turn around almost immediately, holding Tohsaka's head in his hand to keep him from falling to the floor.

"Aoi...?" He stared, mouth open, at the woman standing with a hand over her mouth in horror. He stumbled forward, letting Tohsaka's body fall to the ground with a thud. "No! It wasn't me!" He hastily tried to explain, lifting his hand to indicate towards the man, realizing that he now lay at his feet. Tohsaka's head was turned, revealing his surprised expression and dead eyes that stared over at his wife.

She stood still for a moment, breathing in slowly, taking in the situation. Steadily, she walked forward. Coming before him, her features disappointed, hurt, and cold, she knelt down at her husband's body. "Are you satisfied, Kariya?" she asked, touching her husband's cold cheek. "The Matou family is guaranteed to win the Holy Grail now."

"I..." he responded, panicking as he refused look down at her, his vision darting all around the church; everywhere but the ground.

"Why?" she whispered, staring at her husband's face. "Was taking Sakura from me not enough? You had to kill my husband right in front of me too?" she said, looking up into his face. "Why?" she asked again, her voice rising.

"He..." he pointed down at the dead body of his target, "it's all his fault!" He screamed, his finger shaking along with his whole body. "If it weren't for him...! Everyone would've been happy!" he continued, clenching his hand into a fist. "You and Sakura..." he was breathing heavily, his panicking getting worse. He lowered his hand. "You could've been happy!"

"Shut your mouth!" she yelled back, tears filling her eyes. "What would you know about it?" she started breathing heavily as well, now fully grasping the situation around her mind. "You've never even loved anyone!"

Then, everything was a blur.

_I did love someone._ His bent forward, hands reaching out. _Someone warm and kind._ His fingers wrapped around her throat. _I wanted to make her happier than anyone else._ He squeezed. _I would've given my life for you._ Harder. _That's the only reason I've been able to endure this pain._ She fell to the ground. _I've endured..._ He fell with her, squeezing. _Endured, endured, endured, endured, endured, endured..._ She struggled frantically as her throat was being crushed. _Endured everything!_ He continued to squeeze, as she tried clawing at his back. _Don't you dare deny it all. I won't forgive that!_ Tears were flowing in torrents down her cheeks. _Lies, lies, lies..._ She was trying to speak now, pleas that came out as hoarse breaths. _I definitely have someone..._ Her eyes went wide as he choked her even harder. _There is someone I love!_ Her voice was gone, now she was pleading with her eyes. _Who was I fighting for? Whose fault is this? If I'm going to die..._ He stared into her eyes, seeing warmth. _I may as well..._

A dream, the birds were chirping and the sun was shining. He stood before her as she sat on a park bench, casually reading a book. After a moment, she looked up, noticing him for the first time. She put the book down and smiled.

Tears fell from his good eye as he stared into hers, as she grunted and convulsed, and drool fell from her mouth. She squeezed on his arms as he squeezed on her throat. She convulsed harder, more violently, as her vision was dimming more and more. She squeezed harder; in response he did the same, burying his face into the floor as he leaned further in. A last breath left her throat as she stared wide eyed at him, her tears still flowing; pleading. Her hands were still on his arms, but they were still and unmoving, and as he lay there in the silence, they fell limply away. Hyperventilating, he got up, rising to his feet. Staring down at her now, he realized what had happened as he cried and his screaming tore through his throat. He stood for a moment, letting his sorrow take him as he screamed towards the sky. Then, he left; stumbling limply forward as he had entered.

* * *

The vile surged through his veins, as he clawed at the ground at the memory. He convulsed, slamming his head against the wall as he screamed as his sorrow tore through his throat.

Suddenly, the pain stopped, and he sat there, head bowed, staring down at his sweatshirt. A moment later, he slumped over, and blacked out.


	2. Lasting Dream

**Lasting Dream**

One longing wish, one deep desire; a faint hope, a flickering glimmer in the dark. That was what kept him going. Stumbling in his walk, that was all he had left; his dream. Walking all the way back to mansion had left him tired, the vile ripping him apart in body and soul; screaming out to the darkness that slithered down in the worm pit. Clutching his left side, his left arm dangling uselessly at his side, he looked down into the pit. _It looks like I won, Zouken._ He thought, smiling to himself. He glanced up, at the small figure a little ways down the steps that led to the worm pit. Green light illuminated the whole dismal basement where the pit was kept, and it gave her an omninous appearance, but he knew that she wasn't evil or a bad omen. She was his wish, his dream; nothing would ever change that. _Nothing._ Stumbling forward, hood over his head, he smiled warmly as he approached.

"Hey there, Sakura." he greeted with mild difficulty, his legs carrying his weary body by willpower alone.

"Uncle?" the girl said as she turned, surprised as he came closer. She didn't move from her spot.

"I'm here to save you..." he continued, reaching his hand out as she turned fully around. "It's okay now." He grabbed her slender arm, still smiling. "Come on."

The outside air was chilly as they left the mansion, and waiting outside was another girl, a little older; who, upon turning around at the two approaching from behind, cried out in joy and surprise.

"Sakura!" she exclaimed, running to hug her younger sister. "Sakura! Sakura! _Sakura!_" she continued to say, crying as she held her.

"Rin..." the girl said back, overwhelmed.

He smiled at the scene, proud that he could reunite the two of them, and as he watched, he knew that his job was done.

"Kariya." a voice said from behind, a very familiar and warm, loving, voice.

He turned around sharply, surprised for a moment, but then went back to smiling as he stared into her eyes. "Aoi..."

"Thank you, Uncle Kariya." the older sister said, looking up as he turned to face the two sisters again.

"Thank you." the girl said as well, a tear in her eye.

They both smiled, then shared a silent agreement as they looked at each other, nodding at the same time. They both turned to him at once and smiled brightly, clasping their hands to their chests.

"Thank you, _Daddy Kariya!_" they both exclaimed.

* * *

He smiled warmly, lost in his dream, as he stumbled forward to reach out to the girl, still forever seeing the warmth in her eyes as he fell.

The girl stared at the man lying at her feet. He was obviously gone, the vile having consumed him from the inside and taking the last strength from him as he had tried, hopelessly, to stumble over to her. He had a warm smile on his face as he lay there, on the cold stone steps leading down to the worm pit, and she watched as he slide further down the stairs, until finally, his corpse mingled down below with the vile that called out from the darkness. She watched as the last visible part of him, his hand, was slowly sinking down into vile; being consumed by the darkness that had violated her and ruined his life.

"What a _foolish_ person," she said, her eyes cold and distant, "to go against Grandfather."

She watched as the last of his body was gone, until finally, she turned around and walking up the stairs; never looking back.


End file.
